Don’t assume that your children can’t manage living between you: the difficulties caused by parenting across two homes don’t affect children and young people in the same way. They can be much more flexible and adapt to sharing their time between you if you provide a secure framework for them.
You may feel very angry or hurt by the actions of your ex, but as parents you have a responsibility to ensure your children are parented to the best of your ability.Try to work out how to manage family transitions together – regardless of whether you live together or apart and of who else may be involved.
“If you don’t feel able to work out how to manage time between you, think about using a professional to help you – perhaps a family mediator.”
Managing activities and events
Think about the significant things that happen as children grow up such as change or choice of school, medical treatment, problems at school and everyday things such as bedtimes and discipline. Try to think through how you and your ex will make decisions or take action.
If you can’t do that without help, think about using a mediator to help you set out a framework for all the important areas of your children’s growing up.
Support your children’s need for both parents to be involved. The first people your children will look for at events will probably be their parents – and the involvement of both parents is hugely beneficial to children.
Similarly, if you say you will go to an event make sure you keep your word and turn up. Being around your ex may be hard, but don’t make things worse for your kids by failing to show up at events when they are expecting you.