Stuck in fear
It’s often in the quiet moments that it gets louder. Your clients are lying awake, staring at the ceiling, wondering if they should keep going in their marriage. They’ve thought about leaving before maybe more times than they care to mention. Yet every time they get to the edge of the decision, something pulls them back.
“What if I regret it?”
“What will people think?”
It results in staying where they are – back in the familiar, exhausting place of being stuck.
This isn’t because they can’t decide. It’s because fear is powerful and shaped by the stories that they’ve carried for years. The idea that relationships are hard work. That leaving means failure. That love should last, no matter what. These beliefs can quietly keep us all in place, even when staying feels just as hard as leaving.
Tearing up the story
Then there is the fairytale “happily ever after”. That love should work out and if it doesn’t, you must not have tried hard enough. When clients’ relationship doesn’t match that picture, often they turn it inward and can blame themselves for not being good enough.
“Maybe it’s me.”
“Maybe I should try harder.”
Suddenly, leaving doesn’t just feel like a decision, it feels like tearing up the story.
Meanwhile, there is also something else happening. Our minds love certainty. It acts like our big brother or sister, whispering in our ears and running through every possible outcome.
“What if I leave and regret it?”
“What if I stay and lose more time?”
The paralysis of inactivity takes hold, not because there’s no answer, but because there are too many thoughts.
When someone is already mentally and emotionally tired, it’s even harder to face a decision like this. So, they choose certainty over uncertainty, even when it feels painful and toxic.
They feel the emotional pull that swings between stability and freedom or the possibility of something new. They may deeply love their family unit while knowing they can’t carry on like this.
Then the inner whispers get louder and convince them:
“It’s not that bad.”
“I’ll just focus on the children.”
“Maybe I haven’t tried enough.”
But staying stuck is still a decision. It’s costly too.
How coaching can help lift the fog
What I see as a divorce coach is that it’s not just the relationship that’s keeping the client in limbo. It’s the stories, the expectations, and the fear of getting it wrong. There isn’t a perfect, risk-free choice. A decision can only be made in the moment, based on the information available and the reality of what the relationship has become.
Clarity comes from gently stepping back and exploring the beliefs they have been carrying unconsciously up until now. They need to honestly ask themselves, “If fear wasn’t leading this, what would I choose?”
Divorce coaching gives them space to feel, without any added pressure to have everything figured out overnight.
We can help people who are frozen to find a way to move forward, even if it’s one small step at a time. Sometimes that’s about using tools to shift their mindset until the penny drops and sometimes it can be saying things out loud and hearing your own truth.
Then the fog of indecision starts to lift and what once felt impossible, becomes clearer. Whether they choose to stay or to leave, this isn’t about getting the “perfect” outcome. It’s about freeing them from the stories that have kept them stuck in the past, and to enable them to move forward and make decisions about what happens next.
Untying the knot
