This year, quite fittingly, International Women’s Day fell on the last day of my yearlong maternity leave. It has been an empowering experience to give birth and tackle the trials and tribulations of nurturing a newborn. I was fortunate enough to have a whole year with my baby son, but the time then came to return to work.
Was I excited to return to work? Yes … for the most part. As a true lawyer, I have listed the things I was most excited about (in no particular order):
- Wearing “proper” clothes again.
- Listening to a podcast uninterrupted on my morning commute.
- Finishing a whole cup of coffee before it got too cold.
- Water cooler chats with my colleagues.
- Immersing myself in a new case.
- Progressing my career.
Things I was not excited about:
- Wearing “proper” clothes again.
- Missing my son.
- Wondering whether he would miss me.
What actually happened when I returned to work:
- I spent 3 and half hours learning about AI on my first day back. You mean there is more to AI than Chat GPT? Beyond scrolling through Instagram reels, I had been largely hidden away from the fast-paced technology space this past year. The training was a much needed reality check that the systems that were once in place have and will change.
- I found reading about abuse, particularly to children, harder to process than before becoming a mother.
- I was invited to go for drinks with colleagues after work to which my gut reaction was “Of course!”, but then I quickly remembered I had a child at home.
- I missed my boy, but not to a crippling extent, and he certainly was fine without me.
I am now a week into my return to work and, so far, it has been great. My firm and colleagues have been lovely, and I am slowly easing my way back into a full caseload. The so called “mum guilt” has quietened thanks to the support of loving grandparents and excellent nursery staff. I have come home each evening to a happy and content little boy. I feel waves of warmth and calm every time I get an update from nursery about a new skill he is exploring, or when my mother sends me photos of her delicious baby-friendly homecooked Indian food.
A few days before my official return to work, I attended an International Women’s Day afternoon tea with fellow family law professionals. I ate, drank and laughed with women who are much further down the line of their working mother era. Some said returning to work was the best thing that could have happened, others said they spent years away from the profession before returning older but wiser about life. Some said the guilt does go in time, others said the guilt evolves as your child’s needs change.
In summary, the thought of leaving my son was harder than actually doing it. There are a plethora of parents in the field who have done it before me and there will be many more to come in the future. I found comfort in listening to the stories of others. When we share stories, we, as parents in the workplace, feel validated, supported and ready to take on the challenge. I suppose it is a matter of normalising getting used to the new normal – and, as I understand from other parents, getting ready to constantly evolve as my son grows.
by Shaili Gohil-Desai
Associate, Burgess Mee
