Domestic abuse

Domestic abuse is when someone close to you, often your spouse or partner, causes you physical, sexual, social, mental, financial or emotional harm. The violence and abuse can be actual or threatened and can happen once every so often or on a regular basis. It is not necessary for there to be physical violence for domestic abuse to be serious.

**If you are in immediate danger or have been abused you should telephone the police.**

What is domestic abuse?

Domestic abuse does not discriminate; it can affect anyone of any age, gender, sexuality, socio-economic status or ethnicity.  It is important to remember that domestic abuse is not limited to physical violence and that it is often difficult for victims to recognise the signs.

The legal definition of domestic abuse is “any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive, threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between those aged 16 or over who are, or have been, intimate partners or family members regardless of gender or sexuality. The abuse can include:

  • physical or sexual abuse
  • violent or threatening behaviour
  • controlling or coercive behaviour
  • economic abuse
  • psychological, emotional or other abuse

Children who see, hear or experience the effects of domestic abuse towards a related adult are recognised as victims in their own right.

Why is it so important to get help?

Domestic abuse is a crime and you should not feel that you have to put up with or cope with abusive behaviour.

The first priority in any situation where abuse is a factor is your safety and the safey of any children. Abusive behaviour has serious short and long-term impacts on the physical, mental, emotional and psychological health of victims. It is now understood that, even where children are not directly on the receiving end of domestic abuse, they can suffer significant harm through exposure to and living with domestic abuse in their home. This harm can manifest itself in emotional, behavioural and psychological issues in children both now and in the future.

Your first steps

If you are experiencing domestic abuse, your first priority is the safety of yourself and your children.

In an emergency situation where you and/or the children are in immediate danger or any threat of danger the first step should always be to contact the Police on 999.

Speaking to a domestic abuse support service is often the first step to making safety plans for you and your children. You can also seek help through professionals such as your GP, other medical professionals or a teacher at your child’s school who can make referrals to social services.

Organisations that can help you

This list is not exhaustive. There is likely to be a support service in your area.

  • Domestic abuse: how to get help – GOV.UK – central portal with services for women, men, and people worried about their own behaviour.
  • National Domestic Abuse Helpline (England) provides a 24 hour helpline offering support and advice on domestic abuse for women in England It can put women in touch with local refuges. Call 0808 2000 247. This is a partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge.
  • Live Fear Free Helpline (Wales) a 24 hour helpline offering support and advice on domestic abuse, sexual violence or violence against women in Wales. Call 0808 80 10 800.
  • Women’s Aid
  • Welsh Women’s Aid
  • Respect Phoneline UK  (for people using abuse / behaviour change)
  • Men’s Advice Line | Respect (male victims)
  • ManKind Initiative – supporting male victims of domestic abuse
  • GALOP provides advice and support to LGBTQ+ people affected by domestic and sexual violence and hate crime.  Call 020 7704 2040.
  • 24/7 Rape and Sexual Abuse Support Line provides a 24 hour helpline for anyone aged 16 or over in England and Wales who has been affected by rape, child sexual abuse, sexual assault, sexual harassment or any other form of sexual violence. Call 0808 500 2222.
  • National Stalking Helpline provides support and advice on stalking and harassment. Call 0808 802 0300.
  • Surviving Economic Abuse is the only UK charity dedicated to raising awareness of economic abuse and transforming responses to it. SEA provides information resources for women experiencing economic abuse (Tools to Thrive) and the professionals supporting them (Tools to Support). They also run a Financial Support Line with Money Advice Plus.
  • DeafHope provides a sign-language based service designed to help deaf women and children affected by domestic violence.
  • Karma Nirvana provides a 24 hour helpline offering support and advice on forced marriage and honour based violence for women in England and Wales. Call 0808 2000 247.
  • Imkaan (Black and minoritised women and girls)
  • Forced Marriage Unit provides support and advice to those at risk of being or who have been forced into a marriage whether in the UK or abroad. Call 020 7008 0151 or from overseas +44 (0)20 7008 0151.
  • FORWARD  (FGM and VAWG in African diaspora communities)
  • NSPCC provides a 24 hour helpline offering support and advice to children or adults who have concerns about children in England and Wales. Call 0800 028 3550.
  • Respond  (learning disability/autism and trauma)
  • Hourglass  (older people / elder abuse)
  • Rape Crisis England & Wales – feminist charity supporting victims of rape, sexual assault, harassment, child sexual abuse and all forms of sexual violence
  • Revenge Porn Helpline  (intimate image abuse)
  • Reunite (supports parents where there is, has been or is threat of child abduction)
  • The Survivors Trust –  Supporting victims of rape, sexual violence and abuse
  • Suzy Lamplugh Trust  – National Stalking Helpline

Finding a lawyer

In some cases, trying to protect yourself and your children may involve the police or getting the protection of the legal system.

  • A Resolution specialist lawyer can help you and we have a ‘Find a law professional’ search that will find a lawyer near you: Find a law professional
  • Depending on your financial circumstances, if you are a victim of domestic abuse, you may be able to secure legal aid funding for your legal fees in court cases about your children. For more information check here https://www.gov.uk/legal-aid.

You should tell your solicitor if the other parent has threatened you, hurt you physically or sexually, controlled or isolated you or has behaved in an emotionally abusive way towards you.

Your solicitor will be able to advise you about getting an injunction, which would prevent further abuse or stop the other parent from coming to your home.

Your solicitor can also advise you about arrangements for your children including their living arrangements and contact.

Protecting your children

Parents experiencing domestic abuse often try to shield their children from what is happening, for example, by playing it down or not speaking about it at all. However, despite these efforts, the reality is that most children are aware that something is ‘wrong’. As many as 90% of children are in the same room or in the next room when domestic abuse occurs. Children who experience domestic abuse in their household are likely to feel fear, worry, sadness and anger. Some children may bottle up their feelings, whilst others may act out.

It may be tempting to believe that the behaviour of the abusing parent will eventually change, however, the reality is that this places the abused parent and their children at enormous risk. Even when things improve for a time, significant change is likely to only occur if the abusive parent has acknowledged the problem and is actively seeking professional help

As well as physically protecting children, it is very important that they get emotional support to help them cope with difficult situations involving domestic abuse. Often children involved in these types of situation have mixed feelings about the other parent. Some may feel deeply responsible for a parent’s behaviour, while others may feel conflicted and worry about betraying one or both parents. You may find it helpful to speak to your children’s school about what is happening. They may be able to offer extra support to your children.

What does this mean for any time my children spend with the other parent?

Where there are allegations of domestic abuse against one parent it may be appropriate for safeguards to be put in place before a child spends time with that parent.  It may be that it is not suitable for a child to spend time with the abusive parent or that their time together is supported by a third party or supervised by a professional.  If Social Services have been involved they may speak to both parents and give their views about contact arrangements. In other cases, if you have concerns about the safety of the children spending time with the other parent or about coming into contact with that parent, you should seek legal advice to put appropriate legal safeguards in place.

How the Family Court can help you: orders and injunctions

If you want to get legal protection you can apply to the family court for an injunction order. An injunction order can provide a breathing space for you to recover and make decisions about the future. It can prohibit further abuse and exclude the perpetrator from the home.

How the process works

You can apply for an ‘injunction’ if you have been the victim of domestic abuse. An injunction is a court order that either:

  • protects you or your child from being harmed or threatened by the person who’s  abused you – this is called a ‘non-molestation order’
  • decides who can live in the family home or enter the surrounding area – this is called an ‘occupation order’.
Applying for an order
  1. Check if you are eligible, if you are unsure, obtain advice.
  2. Download and fill in the application form (form FL401) and make 2 copies.
  3. Write your witness statement telling the court what has happened and asking for what order you want the court to make.
  4. At the bottom of the witness statement, write a statement of truth. Use the following words: “I believe that the facts stated in this witness statement are true.” Sign and date the statement of truth.
  5. Download and fill in form C8 if you want to keep your address and telephone number private.
  6. Deliver or send all the documents to your local family Court by email or by post. Find you local family court by postcode here
  7. Notify the court if you have any health or social barriers that would impact upon your ability to communicate or upon taking part in court proceedings, attending Court (remotely or in person) eg language, illiteracy, physical disability or a mental health condition.
  8. Notify the Court if there are any religious considerations that the Court should take into account when fixing a hearing date.
Emergency orders

If you need protection immediately, you can ask that your application for an injunction is dealt with urgently. You do not have to tell the person you want protection from that you are applying so it’s known as a ‘without notice’ or ‘ex-parte’ application.

The court will hold a hearing which you must attend. The court will notify you if the hearing is taking place in person or remotely. It may issue an order at the hearing that will normally last until the date of the next hearing.

You have to arrange for the other person to be handed a copy of the documents including your witness statement. This is called being ‘served’. If you have a solicitor, they will arrange this. If you do not have a solicitor, you can ask the court to make arrangements or pay for a process server to serve the papers. If you are worried this is going to be a problem for you, tell the judge this during the hearing.  You should fill in a Statement of Service (Form FL415) and send to the court if you are arranging service.

Non-emergency orders

If you do not need protection immediately then your application will be listed ‘on notice’.  This means that both you and the respondent will be informed of a date for you both to attend the first court hearing.  No order shall be made in advance of this date.

In advance of this hearing the respondent will be provided by the court with a copy of your application and your statement.

Your court hearing

Your hearing will be held in private and in most cases only you and the person you are applying for an injunction against, and any legal representatives, can attend.  If you need extra support or assistance you can ask the court for this, in advance and it may be agreed that you can take a friend or relative into court with you if you do not have a solicitor.  They will not be able to talk on your behalf but can offer you support.

The court’s decision

At the end of the hearing the court will make one of the following decisions:

  • the person you’ve applied for an injunction against must make an ‘undertaking’ (a promise) to do or not do something
  • you must provide more information – the court may issue a short-term order (an ‘interim order’) to protect you while you get this information
  • it will issue an order – when that ends they may hold another hearing to decide whether to renew the order

You will get a copy of the order if the court issues one. It will say what the respondent can and cannot do.

You should also take a copy of any order made to your local police station.

What happens if the order or undertaking is breached

Breach of a non-molestation order is a criminal offence. You can call the police if the order has been breached.  If you feel it is an emergency for example your life is in danger or violence is being used or threatened, you should dial 999.  If you do not need an emergency response you can call 101.

If you are not satisfied with the police’s response or there is an undertaking in place you can make an application to the court for committal of the person who has breached the order or undertaking.