Lily Allen’s West End Girl: analysing an album

Perspectives from a North West Boy

Joe Ferguson, Myerson Solicitors

Anyone who has ever had the (mis)fortune of dating a musician is no doubt well aware that songwriting is often a deeply personal endeavour, used to express ideas and convey complex emotions.

In recent years, we’ve seen a cavalcade of brutally honest songs and albums written about heartbreak. Adele’s tearful 21 became the best-selling album of the 21^st century. Olivia Rodrigo broke streaming records as she charted the throes of teenage angst with her single “Drivers License”. The list goes on.

Enter, a heartbroken Lily Allen

The cover art of Lily Allen’s fifth album, West End Girl. Illustration: Nieves González

Lily released her latest album, West End Girl, in November. To say it is searing is to understate the point, as the album appears to chart the breakdown of Lily’s relationship with actor David Harbour.

The album has garnered the attention of the world’s press and a legion of fans because beyond the syncopated beats lie themes which, as family lawyers, we are all too familiar with.

The breakdown

What is clear from the album is that the relationship didn’t have a singular moment of breakdown but rather there were ongoing relationship issues which, over the course of time, caused the relationship to become irretrievably broken down.

In the title song “West End Girl”, Lily charts the start of her marital woes and this continues throughout the majority of the album. This protracted breakdown is important for practitioners to remember: clients may have spent years in a difficult position and come to the table already fatigued, before the process has even commenced. Options like non-court dispute resolution (NCDR) are helpful and should be explored.

Manipulation and gaslighting

Lily sings on the album about issues around manipulation and gaslighting. In the song “Sleepwalking”, she sings “you let me think it was me in my head; and nothing to do with them girls in your bed”.

Later, in the song “Tennis”, Lily believes that her partner is cheating and she sets out her confrontation with him. She sings: “I got a lot of information, now I can’t even process; So I wrote a little email and I told you what I saw; Then you came up to the bedroom and you made it all my fault” – something which all legal practitioners will be well aware of.

Different perspectives on the breakdown

It’s clear that Lily and her partner have different perspectives on the relationship and the breakdown thereafter. Lily sings this plainly in the first verse of “Beg For Me”:

I feel embarrassed, I feel ashamed
You’re so indifferent and that’s insane
Where’s all your empathy for, for all my pain?
My friends all tell me you are deranged

It’s often the case that two parties can be in two very different positions in the breakdown of a relationship. One party can be very emotional and raw, and the other can be more placid and calm. Our job, to an extent, is to help parties to understand the consequences of their actions and to provide support. This should not extend into therapeutic support, though there is some small overlap, and referrals should be made to mental health support where necessary.

Addiction issues

Perhaps the most difficult song to listen to on the album is “Relapse”, in which Lily discusses how her marital difficulties have impacted on her recovery from alcohol and drugs.

Lyrics like “You pushed me this far and I just need to be numb; If I relapse, I know I stand to lose it all” are reflective of the very sad reality that the stress of a relationship breakdown can have a severely detrimental affect on someone’s mental health and increase vulnerability as a direct consequence.

The impact on the children

In “Relapse” Lily talks about the children and the fact that she feels she can’t advise them about relationships whilst hers breaks down. In “Let You W/In” she’s clear that the children should not be aware of the reasons for the breakdown of the relationship. This is often the toughest part for parents, who feel they are letting down their children, which of course we know they are not.

These are also children who have moved internationally with their mum. The impact of a relationship breakdown is tangible and it would be worthwhile instructing a psychotherapist to deal with the emotional ramifications.

Emotional toll

As mentioned, the mental toll of all of this is gross and obvious – particularly for Lily. In “Just Enough” Lily talks about feeling “so drawn, so old” and being powerless to this man. In “Let You W/In”, she describes herself as invisible and miserable. In “Dallas Major” she seeks validation in the arms of another.

Our role

As family practitioners, we often seek to step back from the emotion of the breakdown of the relationship, and whilst I do not suggest that a breakup album necessarily accords with our Code of Practice (at least, without some creative liberty), I do think that the album is a timely reminder of the impact of divorce on a client’s mental health and the importance of our Good Practice Guides.

As Resolution practitioners, we wouldn’t (or rather, shouldn’t) judge Lily’s woes, but rather would treat her with respect and human dignity. We would help her to understand and manage the potential long-term financial and emotional consequences of her decisions and support her in putting the best interests of the children first.

In doing so, we also would adhere to the various Good Practice Guides which would help us assess and work with any vulnerabilities that she may have sensitively and with a view to empowering her.

We would consider NCDR, given her celebrity status and the difficult court backlogs we are experiencing, to make the process as smooth as possible.

Art like West End Girl is enriching, often acting as a mirror and allowing us to feel seen. Through using Resolution’s resources in an appropriate and constructive way, we can ensure that the reflection is as kind as we would hope it to be.

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A psychotherapist’s perspective

Lesley Edelstein, LesleyME Consultancy

Relationships are as complex as the people involved. They make us feel elated, valued and give us a sense of deep belonging. When they go wrong, relationships can shatter your world and effect those around us. Heartache and vulnerability are felt in every fibre of your being. Impacting on mental, emotional and physical health, a broken relationship has the power to reconfigure the way you see yourself and others.

Why do musical artists express their heartache and expose their vulnerability through their chosen medium?

Lily Allen is known for her no-holds-barred lyrics set to upbeat music. The same is true for her album West End Girl, where she touches nerves for all who can relate to or imagine the devastation of her broken marriage and pending break up.

Music has the power to connect us to time and place, even when memory fails – in cases of dementia music from a person’s past can still be recalled. Little wonder then that musicians and songwriters tap into this powerful source to write lyrics that will be indelibly printed into the emotional centre of our minds.

What do Lily Allen and most clients going through divorce have in common?

The track “Sleepwalking” recalls how things changed after the wedding that indicate there were issues from the start. Lily and husband David Harbour had agreed to a non-monogamous relationship with contingencies in place.

Been no romance since we wed

But you let me think it was me in my head

And nothing to do with them girls in your bed.

In therapy I have worked with client’s who choose to be non-monogamous. For some it works, for others the complexities of bringing other sexual partners into the relationship brings confusion and unexpected insecurities. Those with attachment disorders, low emotional quotient (EQ) or mental health issues ought to stay clear of non-monogamous relationships.

Lily Allen has never shied away from sharing her mental health issues – she openly shares her time in therapy. So why did she agree to have a relationship that had the potential to break her?

Non-monogamous relationships, what is real and what is fantasy?

Again, in “Sleepwalking” we hear her willingness to partake to quench her husband’s thirst for multiple sexual partners.

You know you have made me your Madonna

I want to be your whore,

I could preserve all your fantasies

 if only you could act them all out with me.

In “Nonmonogamummy” she goes on to plea, “I am so committed that I’d lose myself.”  And lose herself she did.

Non-monogamous relationships are one of the top five fantasies imagined by people in long-term relationships. Strictly speaking they are not as straightforward as pure fantasy. They must be boundaried, they have to be agreed, and equal consideration given to both parties. The boundary for Lily was depicted in “Tennis”, the track where she expresses her realisation that the rules had been broken.

You moved the goal posts,

You broke all the rules; I tried

To accommodate but you took me for a fool,

So, I read your texts.

The boundaries they stipulated were there had to be payment, and the other person had to be a stranger.

Boundaries are defined in logical terms where everything makes sense and there is a shared understanding. Sex, feelings, drives and urges all reside in the emotional centre of the brain, and logic doesn’t reside there. While Lily may have successfully fed David’s fantasies before they married, suddenly the “snot bubbles” of real life crept in and shattered illusions. The fantasy bubble was burst, exploding into heartbreak.

The heat, the passion, the electricity of a non-monogamous relationship is so seductive it is often mistaken for a love connection, and so it becomes an affair. Guilt triggers misplaced anger, as we hear in all the tracks, Lily is made to shoulder the blame and feels manipulated.

“Relapse” sees Lily’s fear as she cries out for a drink and a sedative to take away the pain. She feels unsafe in the marriage, the reality begins to hit as she sings “I tried to be your modern wife…” and:

If I relapse, I stand to lose it all,

Can you bring me back, when

I’m climbing up the walls.

The vulnerability bleeding from her words hits deep for any of us who have felt their world crumble during a break-up.

This finely crafted album sees a wife and mother at her most fragile state. She may find this cathartic; she may find a tribe that have been through a similar turmoil. What is often seen in relationship therapy is a person who has shared widely then had to hear a crescendo of opinions. Whilst well intended, they are often unhelpful. Lily did seek professional help, and her daughters have kept in touch with her ex, we can imagine then that some level of healing is taking place.

If you see your own reflection in these lyrics, if you have been through a break-up (who hasn’t) then you will relate to West End Girl.

Thank goodness Resolution members agree it takes a team to support clients through a divorce. To seek therapeutic support for both parties and, importantly, the children. Further, there is the recognition that legal practitioners cannot expect to work with clients who are reconfiguring their lives while picking up the pieces of their shattered dreams. I urge legal practitioners to engage a Wellness Practitioner who is formally trained to support you therapeutically, coach you through any deficit discourse, imposter syndrome etc. Furthermore, you will be encouraged to focus on your strengths and values to assure you of all the worthwhile work you do in changing the lives of your clients.

I hope you enjoy the album!

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