The role of a divorce coach

Divorce is widely recognised as one of the most stressful life events a person can experience, second only to bereavement. It is not just the breakdown of a marriage, but the loss of future plans, shared identity and financial certainty.

For parents, this is often compounded by deep worry about the impact on their children, and alongside the practical reality of separated parenting, work and running a household.

Having been through my own divorce, I understand how overwhelming this period can feel. When people are in a heightened emotional state, it is not unusual for them to avoid the legal process altogether or become reactive within it. This is where divorce coaching can offer valuable, practical and emotional support alongside legal advice.

What does a divorce coach do?

Divorce coaches typically work one-to-one with an individual within a separating couple, offering emotional and practical support during the divorce process. Coaches come from a range of professional backgrounds, including family law, education, social work and therapy, and many have personal experience of divorce themselves. Regardless of background, ethical divorce coaches are clear about professional boundaries.

A divorce coach does not give legal advice and does not replace a solicitor, mediator or the court process. Instead, coaching helps clients to:

• manage emotional overwhelm and anxiety
• think clearly about decisions they need to make
• prepare practically and emotionally for meetings or hearings
• stay focused on what truly matters to them
• reduce conflict through effective communication and de-escalation strategies

Coaching is forward-looking. While emotions are acknowledged and managed, the emphasis is on helping clients move through the process with greater clarity and confidence, and on planning for life after divorce.

Many divorce coaches develop particular areas of specialism. With my background as a teacher and headteacher, my work focuses mainly on co-parenting dynamics and supporting parents to make child-focused decisions, particularly where communication with the other parent is difficult or high conflict.

How divorce coaching complements the legal process

Clients often seek legal advice very early on, sometimes before they have had space to process the emotional reality of their situation. While legal advice is essential, clients who are overwhelmed, fearful or in denial can struggle to absorb information or make reasoned decisions.

Divorce coaching complements the legal process by helping clients to:

• understand the implications of legal advice
• reflect on how that advice aligns with their expectations
• work through emotional reactions such as shock, anger or fear
• prepare questions and priorities in advance of appointments

This often results in clients arriving at meetings better prepared, more regulated emotionally, and clearer about the outcomes they are seeking. From a lawyer’s perspective, this can mean more focused instructions, fewer reactive communications and a smoother progression through the case.

Managing overwhelm and decision fatigue

Divorce requires a series of significant decisions, often made under pressure and uncertainty. Clients can quickly become overwhelmed, leading to avoidance or impulsive decision-making.

Coaching helps clients break complex situations into manageable steps, prioritise tasks, and regain a sense of control. Sessions often focus on practical organisation as well as emotional regulation, ensuring clients are able to engage constructively with the legal process rather than feeling consumed by it.

Case study: regaining clarity and confidence

One client came to me feeling completely paralysed by the number of decisions he was facing. He had already received legal advice but felt unable to move forward, particularly around decisions about the family home and interim arrangements for the children.

Through coaching, we worked on clarifying his values and what felt most important to him and the children in the medium and long term. By breaking decisions down and exploring his fears around “getting it wrong”, he was able to approach negotiations with more confidence. He later described feeling calmer in meetings with his solicitor and more able to engage in constructive discussions, rather than feeling overwhelmed or defensive.

Reducing conflict and managing expectations

Conflict during divorce is often driven by fear: fear about finances, housing, time with children or loss of control. Divorce coaches have the time and space to explore these fears in depth, helping clients to understand their emotional responses and avoid reacting impulsively.

By helping clients identify what is realistically achievable and what they can influence, coaching can reduce unrealistic expectations and entrenched positions. This does not mean encouraging clients to give up what matters to them, but rather helping them distinguish between emotional reactions and practical priorities.

For parents, this work is particularly important. Children are highly sensitive to conflict, even when it is not openly expressed. Supporting parents to regulate their own emotions and communicate more effectively can have a significant positive impact on children’s wellbeing.

Case study: reducing co-parenting conflict

I worked with a parent who was experiencing ongoing conflict with their former partner around co-parenting arrangements. Communication was tense and often escalated quickly, resulting in repeated disputes and significant emotional distress.

Through coaching, we focused on understanding triggers, setting clearer boundaries and developing calmer, more strategic ways of responding. We also explored how to keep conversations child-focused rather than rooted in past grievances. Over time, the client reported fewer confrontations, greater confidence in their approach, and a noticeable reduction in stress for both themselves and their children.

Collaboration between lawyers and divorce coaches

The most effective outcomes occur when lawyers and divorce coaches work alongside one another, each within their professional remit. The lawyer provides expert legal advice; the coach supports the client to process that advice, manage emotional reactions and follow through on agreed actions.

This collaboration can:

• reduce delays caused by avoidance or overwhelm
• minimise emotionally driven conflict
• support clients to make informed, considered decisions
• improve the overall client experience

Clear communication and mutual respect for professional boundaries are key to successful collaboration.

What should lawyers look for in a divorce coach?

Divorce coaching is currently unregulated, meaning anyone can describe themselves as one. For this reason, it is important for lawyers to carry out due diligence when recommending a coach to clients. Factors to consider include:

• completion of a recognised coaching qualification
• training in safeguarding and domestic abuse awareness
• understanding of professional boundaries
• membership of a professional coaching body

In my own practice, I trained with The Divorce Coaching Academy and maintain clear ethical boundaries around the support I offer, with appropriate signposting where more specialist intervention is required.

What does working with me typically look like?

I generally work with clients over a six-month period, as divorce rarely moves quickly and clients benefit from consistent support over time. Sessions may take place monthly or more frequently during particularly challenging stages. Clients also have the option of messaging between sessions to sense-check decisions or prepare for upcoming meetings.

I offer an initial consultation to ensure I am the right fit for the client’s needs and that they feel comfortable working with me. If I believe a client requires a different form of support, or is not yet ready for coaching, I will always signpost appropriately.

With a background in education, I am deeply committed to ensuring that children are not drawn into adult conflict during separation. In my experience, supporting the emotional regulation and decision-making of even one parent can have a powerful ripple effect, lowering tension and improving communication across the wider family system. When parents feel calmer and more grounded, they are better able to make thoughtful, child-focused decisions. Divorce coaching offers a practical way to reduce conflict, protect children’s wellbeing and support more constructive engagement with the legal process.

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