Introducing the Asian Single Parents Network
When I became a single mum, there wasn’t much support out there for single parents, and nothing for South Asians. It was very difficult finding others to speak to who understood the cultural aspects of what I was going through. Many of my friends were from the Western culture, so as much as they tried, they didn’t understand.
I also craved company for me and my daughter, as many of my friends at the time were in couples and busy at the weekends. I wanted company for activities and day trips, but I also wanted my daughter to know that she wasn’t the only one in a single parent household.
The Asian Single Parents Network (ASPN) was started on the social networking site Meetup in 2011. I wanted to help others from my community who might be going through something similar after my own experiences, which included two arranged marriages and dowry issues. The Network was intended to get Asian single parents and their kids out interacting with each other for fun, support and friendship, and to enhance lives in the process.
ASPN is a unique community which offers social, emotional and practical support in order to build confidence, prevent isolation and combat the stigma attached to being a single parent in a South Asian family. According to our research, it is the only support network for both single mums and dads across the UK for the South Asian community. We offer support to all single parents. Separated, widowed, divorced, single by choice, those who have gone down the IVF route or living apart can all fit into the category of a single parent family.
When members join, they often express relief that they are finally in a space where they are with other people who understand what they’re going through. Also that they wish they had known about ASPN earlier.
Stigma
There are other single parent organisations out there, but the reason it’s important to have one specifically for South Asians is because of the cultural differences and the stigma attached to being divorced and a single parent in this community.
More and more couples are less inclined to stay in unhappy marriages than previous generations. However, divorce can still be hard for some families to accept and understand.
Members often don’t want others knowing they’re part of our Network as they haven’t told their family, friends or relatives about their situation for the fear of being judged. It can be a very lonely and isolating time, especially if you don’t have the support of family. It isn’t always socially accepted – you can be regarded as a failure if your marriage doesn’t work out, intolerant, and looked down on. This can come from the older generation who believe that marriage is for life, that you should make it work no matter what, and unfortunately, it’s often the women who are blamed. We have had members who are going through DV, but their family still believe that they should still stick at the marriage.
Events/sessions
We are proud to have arranged 100s of meets over the years, bringing together South Asian single parents to have company when doing things that they would have otherwise done alone. There have been daytime events, which are a mix of fun activities for both parents and kids, and evening events for parents, which are a great opportunity for them to have a much-needed night off. We’ve also arranged short breaks.
We also offer a catchup with parents on a Thursday night where they can talk and ask for support and advice from other members and an accredited coach.
We’ve also held numerous Q&As with experts in different fields on a Thursday night. The questions they’re usually asked are specific to our single parents. For instance, we’ve had a number of lawyers, parenting coaches, finance specialists, dating experts, a careers coach, and a public speaking coach.
In addition, we also have 1-2-1 sessions with a divorce consultant in certain locations, as well as wellbeing events which are free as a result of funding.
The Network has appeared in a number of media stories – see www.aspnetwork.org.uk/in-the-media/
And you can read what members say about ASPN here: https://aspnetwork.org.uk/reviews
I would ask Resolution members that, if you are in touch with Asian single parents through your work, please share our details with them to help break the stigma in this community and raise awareness that support is available.
You can follow us on our social media here: linktr.ee/aspnetwork and our website is at www.aspnetwork.org.uk/