Claire Colbert meets co-parenting expert Marcie Shaoul
There is nothing better than being able to interview someone you think is brilliant and I got to do just that this week when Resolution asked me to interview Marcie Shaoul of the Co-Parent Way. Marcie is the founder of the Co-Parent Way, author of The Co-Parenting Method and brought co-parent coaching to the UK in 2016. She’s an award winning expert, who I have had the pleasure of working with on the Parenting After Parting Committee in recent years.
So, Marcie, what is co-parenting and why is it important?
Co-parenting is when parents who are separating work together with their children as their primary focus, so they can continue to raise their children even though they’re not together as a couple anymore. It’s all about how they communicate with each other, how they make decisions together, and how they continue to be parents despite everything that might be going on in their separation.
It’s important to work towards being co-parents because a separation creates a fracture for a child, and how we work together to manage that fracture will affect how children heal and build resilience. By taking responsibility as parents to continue to work together to raise our kids, we protect their mental health, emotional wellbeing and resilience. Co-parenting is about a choice that we make. It’s not necessarily about being friends with your ex. It’s about creating a good enough situation so kids can grow up with their parents communicating effectively and calmly.
How is co-parenting different to other types of parenting after separation?
Marcie Shaoul
That’s a great question. Co-parenting is different to both parallel and shared parenting. Parallel parenting usually happens when it’s very difficult for parents to communicate. There may be very high conflict. There may be safeguarding issues. All sorts of things might have happened. It’s when parents ‘parent’ their children separately, without any communication or handover information. It’s like parenting separately without bridges. Shared parenting is easier to think about more in terms of time rather than in method. Shared parenting is shared time. You can, but you don’t need to, communicate in shared parenting, though it’s obviously better if you do.
Co-parenting is not about time. It’s about how you communicate and how co-operative you are. So co-operative parenting just means that whatever the makeup of where your child is staying and when, you are still parenting together, there’s still dialogue, and you’re still putting the children front and centre of your new look relationship.
What is a co-parenting coach?
In 2016 I brought this idea of co-parent coaching to the UK. It was something that existed in a very small way in the States and it was born out of my own experience. I became a co-parent in 2009 when I was working in the diplomatic service in the space between NGOs and governments, helping them to communicate. And after my own separation, I retrained to become an executive coach. What I realised was that all of those different elements – how to communicate well, how to listen well, the coaching language and tools – were all really useful for parents who were separating.
I realised that if we could somehow use all of those elements in a co-parenting capacity, then that could be really useful. So I developed my own co-parenting methodology and we work with parents to essentially teach them in a very practical way, through a six-step process, about how to co-parent without conflict. The six steps focus on:
- moving into a long-term mindset
- managing strong emotions
- setting boundaries and seeing other perspectives
- communicating without conflict
- making good co-parenting decisions
- stepping beyond surviving into thriving
We have turned The Co-Parenting Method into a book, published by Penguin, and Sir Andrew McFarlane, in his foreword for the book, calls it inspirational. I am very proud.
There are many excellent divorce coaches and also coaches who work in co-parenting out there, who walk side by side with their clients. My work has evolved from that important place into a very practical route that anchors parents very quickly and helps them remain parents together for their children. It’s much more of a training approach now with wraparound support. And we find that works really well because often when you’re coaching someone, they’re very much still caught in their story of their separation. And what we need to do is to help parents focus forward on where they need to get to in a more long-term way.
Marcie Shaoul (second right) with her parenting after parting colleagues Sarah Smith, Adele Ballantyne, Marc Etherington and Claire Colbert (right) at the launch of The Co-Parenting Method, 1 April 2025.
How do you do that? How you work with the parents?
Either parents buy the book, which has the six steps in it, or they work with us through our online programme, which is a webinar-based approach (with added support) and is completely anonymous.
We teach the six steps in online sessions. There are three online sessions a week. One of those is a 90-minute learning piece where parents learn about one of the steps and all of the practical tools that go within that step. The more practical tools that we can give parents, the easier it is for them to start implementing it straightaway. And when they start implementing it, it becomes apparent very quickly that they can rely on the 20 practical tools to help them.
There’s also an anonymous Q&A session each week that we run in a webinar format as well. And there’s also a really nice part of the week, a week called “Win Your Week”, where parents come on and they put in the chat what’s gone well for them this week, what tools have gone well for them and what techniques have they used that have had good results. The sharing piece is really good because what that means is other parents who might be finding it difficult go, okay, well, that person has just done step four and the Active Listening tool is really working for them, so I’m going to try that now. Parents can choose whether they identify themselves or not in “Win your Week”.
Participants also have a 121 coach each week to help with the accountability, because we’ve all gone on programmes and courses where we’ve not kept up with the learning!
It’s a very motivational approach, and parents step happily into better co-parenting. It doesn’t need to be perfect, it needs to be good enough so that the children (our end user) are protected and held more safely.
We have a library of resources from online video “how tos”, to co-parenting scripts in your pocket. We have Expert’s Corner, which are our interviews with other experts related to co-parenting. And lots more.
How does communication look different after that? How has it changed?
After you’ve been through The Co-Parenting Method, communication becomes much more business-like and much more respectful and very focused on making co-parenting decisions. We create a Venn diagram where each parent comes together into the co-parenting space in the overlap to communicate and resolve. It’s very focused and keeps it separate from their personal life.
Going through the method means that you understand how to put boundaries in place, which makes it much easier to communicate in a small, short way with your co-parent to continue to parent together. One of the ways we explain what we do for people is to compare co-parenting to a work relationship. Imagine you have to do a project with somebody you don’t massively like at work. You still have to do the project, you still have to work with your colleague, and you still need to do a good job. It’s the same for co-parents who are finding it hard. Especially where trust has broken down. They may not want to do it, but they need to find a way to do it for their kids.
The tools we teach give them the skills to do that, even if they might feel a little awkward to use at first for parents. So, for example, I teach something called the “five steps of active listening”, where parents have to communicate and listen without interrupting. They need to wait for their ex to finish speaking. And that might feel really uncomfortable for some people and awkward because they’re used to jumping in. But it’s better to be a bit awkward than to escalate a conflict that is potentially harmful, and the fallout that can bring.
How you work with other family law professionals?
Usually, lawyers and mediators will refer their clients to us at The Co-Parent Way, then we speak to them to see if they are eligible for the programme and we go from there. I also go into law firms and I talk about the method – how it can be helpful for their clients. And we also train lawyers in how to do elements of it themselves.
I work alongside mediators to bring the co-parenting angle to the room and occasionally I will work 1-2-1 with a client. But most of the work now that we do is taking parents through our programme, because we can reach more people like that.
How and why do you think the Resolution Code is important for families?
First of all, it’s so important that Resolution exists because it provides a space for lawyers, mediators, families and parents to find trusted service providers and the Code is the cornerstone of that trust.
Preventing conflict, putting children front and centre, alternative resolution options – all make up the code, which acts as a North Star if you like, of what all of us should be aspiring towards. As a member of Resolution you are making a professional statement to your clients and colleagues about how you will conduct yourself and the responsibility you feel towards parents and children.
There’s a Resolution guide called Parenting Through Separation, which is an amazing resource. It was produced by the Parenting after Parting Committee, and we’re very proud of it. It’s a super resource. All Resolution members should get copies to pass on to their clients, as it walks parents through how to co-parent, the legal process, and gives lots of tips and ideas.
The work of Resolution is really important and ever more so in the landscape and the context of no-fault divorce. We all have a responsibility as practitioners working in this sector to really do no harm. Let’s not do any more harm than what’s happening already. Let’s make it better. Let’s be collaborative – not just from lawyer to parent, but from lawyer to lawyer, you know, the kind of language that’s used is critical, is critical for de-escalating conflict. Having the Code is one of those things that keeps us all accountable.
Do you have any tips or advice for those at the start of their careers wanting to work collaboratively with other professionals?
It’s always great to work collaboratively and it offers so much more to clients when we do that. If you’re at the start of your career, go to lots of events, meetings, and meet up with and chat to other family law professionals (lawyers, mediators, family consultants, therapists, co-parenting coaches, divorce coaches). Listen and watch how they do things and think about how it can enhance what you do. You could ask for their recommendations for courses, books and other resources to expand your skills and knowledge.
Tell me a bit about your new book, Marcie
I’m very excited and humbled that The Co-Parenting Method: Six Steps to Raise Happy Kids after Separation and Divorce, has been published by Penguin Random House. Having the methodology available to everyone is amazing because it means that we can reach more people with a methodology that really works. I want kids to have parents who can still work together as parents after they separate.
The book is easy to follow and is filled with real life examples, practical tools and extra tips. Law firms are already bulk buying it to give to their clients as a resource. It adds another dimension of support. And I’m delighted it’s had such positive feedback.
Is that your proudest achievement or are there others? Because there are so many, Marcie, the awards, the brilliant course, the fantastic website, bringing co-parenting coaching to the UK. What’s the proudest one?
Workwise, it’s the book. It’s the method and the potential for real change that it brings. All that drives me is making the world a better place for kids of separating parents. And if I can achieve that, that would be amazing.
You’re off to a desert island, what three things are you taking?
I would take my Kindle because I’m actually an introvert, so I love to kind of hide behind a good story. I’d take my family. Am I allowed to take my family? I’d take my family. Right, then I’d take the radio because there’s all sorts of things on the radio. And maybe a load of wine, am I allowed to do that?
Marcie is the Director of the Co-Parent Way. Her book, The Co-Parenting Method: Six Steps to Raise Happy Kids after Separation and Divorce published in March (Penguin, 2o25). www.thecoparentway.com has some fantastic resources for parents who are separating, along with information about the Six-Step Online Programme for parents.
Claire Colbert is a mediator at Family Mediation and Mentoring LLP